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Sunday, March 28, 2010

Get over it!

In my life I have many times heard people say “get over it” and ‘get on with your life”, but what does it mean and how do you do it? Yes, in many ways I guess it depends on the circumstances and the subject they are talking about. If it is about something serious like the loss of someone or a bad illness, is it POSSIBLE to “get over it”?
I think in many ways it is a case of mind over matter and our upbringing. For example: Many years ago I had to go for a small operation which was done early on a Friday morning. By lunch time I was rearing to go and get out of there although the doctors wanted me to stay overnight “for observation”. In the same ward as me, there was a woman who had the same thing done the previous Monday and was still going around in a wheelchair bemoaning the fact that she was so “ill”. Now I wonder what the difference was between the two of us besides the fact she was also about 10 years younger than me? Was it a case of mind over matter and getting on with life?
If you loose someone very dear to you it is not easy to get on with your life. The thoughts and memories live with you daily and yet you are expected to smile and get over it. Does the hurt and pain of this ever stop? Is there a specific period? Can you say “Okay, by next Tuesday it will stop and I will be over it”.
As a watcher of Dr Phil, I often hear him use these two phrases and in most cases, I have to agree with him. For example: Someone’s father gave him/her a spanking 40 years ago and they are still holding a grudge against him for it. How ridiculous to spend 40 years of your life in misery brooding over something like that!! GET OVER IT!!
So where in all of this is the rule to tell us under what circumstances and in what period of time we must “get over it” and “get on with your life”? Sometimes I sit and wonder about life and where it takes us. Which rules do we obey, which do we ignore. How can we tell our heart and mind which road to follow?
Is there a simple way to forget things so we can get over it and move on with our lives? What do you think?

38 comments:

Andrea said...

No:there isn't any way to forget beloved people we lost and the pain about it.
I think the day in which I will not feel any pain will be the day in which I will kill them a second time.
Illness is different:everyone has his way to live it.
For last: every person feels phisical pain in a different way.
There is people who can walk with a broken bone and people who can't move for a small wound:we could speak a lot about this...

A New England Life said...

It's all in due time. Everyone heals differently: mentally and physically. Some are stronger than others, and some, like myself, need a little help along the way.

Healing, or 'getting over it' can never be rushed or pre-determined. One day you just notice feeling better. The pain has subsided.

That's my take on it anyway.

A New England Life said...

I forgot ...

I agree with Phil, some people drag things on for so many years it's pathetic. I had a boyfriend like that who to this day (he's in his 40's) is still angry with his parents for getting a divorce when he was 13. Come on!!!! Get over it! Not to mention it was the best thing that could have ever happened to his mother.

Life in Egypt said...

You have set a hard one there Joan.
as a volunteer for many years. that started with Romania. How do you get over what us so called humans did to those children . babies that where left in care because the mother lost its father (killed by the regime at the time)
then the child is left in a room to live like a rat. and ended up as what we called rocking children.
that is something I had to get over. will get back later as I have a visitor.

blog with no name said...

Joan, there is no way to forget, nor should you even try. I do not like the term "lost". Because it is not true. Most of the strugle happens due to our disbeleif of the event and therefore non acceptance. Sometimes there are no reasons, and when we can't find one, we become preoccupied in the creation of "potholes" that we get stuck in. Somestimes, a wound must bleed for years so that the healing is complete and infection doesn't happen.
The term "loss" says something about ownership. When we realize that nothing or nobody "belongs" to us, and that we are all the property of The Most High Power Whose Ways Are Beautiful, than we become observeres as well as particepants. Life has always been and always will be, your "loss" is dancing "IN, AROUND, AND THROUGH" all of the creation. Becoming the "moment that lasts forever"!
Joan, become freinds with your memories, and they can no longer be your "enemy within".
There is a set time, but only One knows the timetable.
Know and understand that you are precious and loved, and maybe somehow you will feel that those are the waves you would rather step out of the boat onto.

Sreddy Yen said...

Hi Joan!! I hope you've missed me...LOL!

It's nice to be reminded once in a while to "get over" something. But sometimes, it's just so difficult to do so! Hmmm...I'd believe that good literature drowns our sorrows and other thing which we have to "get over". I love your lily photo!

Have a good weekend! :D

Tony nile life said...

These children some as old as 12 had never seen daylight. never tasted anything such as a sweet,
the kids with aids in Kenya 3 year olds resorting to sniffing glue to get their minds off hunger.the babies in Sri Lanka limbs taken off at birth so they can go begging on the street so the parents can kill themselves on beetle nut dope. then what happens to the child when its parents are dead, I could go on , get over it! the only way to do so is to put it in a secret place and sometimes the memories come back like now. and all I con do is shed a tear. then put it back in its secret place, of course there are certainly things people should get over. or rather get on with their lives, its a bad world we live in.
so we have to sometimes, get over it.

Tony nile life said...

Thanks for this post Joan, just what I needed, a kick in the butt to show how! and what a lucky man I am. and sometimes it takes a nudge.
to open that secret place, and look back. so we never get over the bad things we, us humans do to each other,

troutbirder said...

I am a great believer in getting on and going on no matter what. Getting over it not so easy with the loss of a son. There it comes to the point of focusing on the good memories and not the pain. Easier said than done.

Willard said...

Good philosophy and excellent photographs to accompany the words.

Thanks for the ideas in dealing with the blog thieves!

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Thanks Andrea. I think you are right, that pain never goes away if it is someone we really loved and cared for. It may lessen in time but will always be with us in our thoughts and hearts.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

I wonder if strong people handle it better or are they just better at hiding it Sharon? Don't they maybe build walls to hid behind and not let it show? Glad to hear that boyfriend is an ex as people like that can be a pain in the butt.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Is it not a loss Mike? A physical one? A tearing out of your guts because that person is not around anymore? I will admit that my memories are only of the good times and not the bad and certain images of special moments will never fade. Sometimes there are so many reminders that a person is not with us any more and that stab of pain comes back to bring us back to reality.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Hello Sreddy. Of course I missed you!! :) Thanks, that lily is one which I think the most beautiful flower we have. Some kinds of pain never subside, it only lessens with time.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Oh Tony, I do not know what to say. The tears run down my face and the horror of life wells up in me. People can be so irresponsible and cruel to each other. Do some people not see or care about the hurt they inflict on others so casually? What makes them do it? Is there no love left anymore? Can we ever tuck the thoughts and feelings away so that they do not surface again? Don’t we all have that secret place we go to and hide from reality or maybe to cope with it? Why do we have to go through things like this in life?

All of this seems worse because they are children who never asked to be born in the first place.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Yu are right TB, some things are easier said than done. Life sometimes deals us blows which we cannot understand and have to fight to cope with.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Thanks Willard. There are situations in life which bear thinking about and trying to put into perspective. Some easier than others.

You are welcome. I hope the information helps.

Mary said...

I think every person has their own way of mourning or "getting over it". When others say that, they are usually just impatient with your symptoms and how they infringe on them in some way...or they genuinely just want you to be past the bad time and "normal" again. Getting over emotional things are harder than physical things. I also think that faith plays a part in how we "get over" things. Those with real deep faith often can get past things that others trip on for a long time, but not always. There are no easy answers because everyone's personality and physical makeup effect each trial we go through.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

A great insight and answer there Mary. But how long should the healing process take? Do we ever completely heal, or are we like Tony who's memories keep on coming back and are triggered with things in life?

A human kind of human said...

Oh Joan, this is such a difficult one. All I can say is that the pain never goes away, but it does get better. Fortunately we do not only have the pain, but also the wonderful memories, cherish those. (((HUG)))

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

I think the memories are so importand Anne. The good ones live on in our minds and hearts and play over and over like a movie.

Becky and Gary said...

I'm finding so much truth in most of your comments. It seems we've all been there a time or two. I really don't have anything to add. I have no wisdom, except know that you gave it your best!
B.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Thanks Becky. There are some things in life which are easier / harder to handle than others. Some of us cope easier than others and some of us can push things aside easier. But what do you do while 'handling' it? Some of us try to take a vacation and others try to block our minds, but the constant reminders of situation is always there. Someone said that we cannot feel true pain if we did not have real feelings. I guess for some, those without true feeling, can shrug it off and go about their lives without thinking twice about things.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Some things in life are easy to accept, especially when we know the reasons. I think the most unacceptable are lies, deceit and people who hurt and use people for their own ends.

Craig Glenn said...

Hi J!

First Thanks for un-blocking me from you site!

Second, That third photo down is one of your best claymation works to date!

Third, At first I was upset that you blocked me but I got over it! LOL

Your biggest Fan,
Craig

Craver Vii said...

What it means and how to "get over it." That depends.

But you ask a good question about forgetting things, so we can move on. Remembrance is what makes forgiveness so precious. It is because a person remembers that the act of forgiving has such great value. I do not take it lightly when I am forgiven for a transgression. That would not be the case if moving on was based on waiting until a person forgot. Does that make sense?

As for me, I just hope I can be as good a forgiver as I hope my friends and family would be.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Hello Craig, what a pleassure it is to hear fom you again. I have missed you a LOT!! You have to thank Sara for the unblocking. I did it so she does not have to go searching for me again. :)

With more time to play, claymations easier with practice. It has got to the point where even I don't know the difference between that and the real ones. LOL!!

I am please you got over it. :)

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

How easy it is to forgive Craver but not easy to forget. Some things in life can just hurt so badly. I have never been able to understand how people can do things to others to cause them pain. Surely these things should not be done in the first place? Then there would be no need to forgive or forget?

Rambling Woods said...

I think that we go through stages and then accept and at some time have to go through those stages again. Funny you should post this as I am dealing with some family issues and health issues that are along these lines. I tend to get on with it, but allow myself to be angry or to grieve if I need to. I just try hard not to go to the dark side for any length of time. But some losses I don't think you ever get over, you just learn to cope... hugs to you Joan... Michelle

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

I am sorry to hear that Michell. These things are never easy and the recent loss of someone extremely important to me whom I love dearly has cost me a lot emotionally. I am trying my best to get over it but it is not easy and I know the felling of loss is something I will never get over. If only it was easier to forget but then the memories of the good times will never fade and will always be in my thoughts and dreams.

Rambling Woods said...

I am sorry for your loss..give yourself time to grieve and grieve again in the future.. What you feel is never wrong..as my own personal Dr. Phil (my psychologist) daughter always says...hugs friend....Michelle

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Thank you Michelle, I can really do with hugs right now. I have lost so many of my loved ones over the years and each one is as difficult as the ones before but this was the worst of all because it was so unexpected and someone I care for VERY deeply. I know that with time things will get easier, but what do I do in the meantime? I guess the bottom line is I will manage somehow but the days and nights seem to stretch out endlessly with memories flooding every moment of my day.

Rambling Woods said...

I don't have any good answers for you because I know you have had horrible losses. If you ever want to talk..I will listen... Nights do seem to be the most lonely of times I know...Give yourself time...

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Thanks Michelle. Time is all I have right now and I know it WILL get better.

This Is My Blog - fishing guy said...

Joan: You don't forget you just accept and let more things happen in your life.

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

You are right Tom but it is smetimes not easy with constant reminders around all the time.

Anna said...

Joan beautiful post, and you know I was holding and living past in the past, and I found that 'getting over' and looking forward is much more fun. Life is too short not to enjoy it!
Anna :)

SAPhotographs (Joan) said...

Thanks Anna. I am trying to move on myself but I know it is going to take a while but as they say "the strong will survive".